Opened by John Liddle from the NTA (National Treatment Agency) the meeting began by John informing the group that from 1st April 2013 the NTA will become part of Public Health England . Under their new remit the NTA could no longer support service user forums, as their focus will be on the wider public health agenda. Rather than viewing John’s address as a negative, people in attendance were positive and eager to continue the forum independently and felt able to do that without the level of support previously given by the NTA. Taking ownership of the forum themselves, discussion moved on to how they would continue with the same passion and commitment to recovery. Their commitment was summed up by one member of the group who stated “We must continue to protect the voice of people in recovery in the North East” “Unity is strength, the power of coming together in these forums helps motivate people in their recovery” added another. This was the first time the North East Forum had been held in Hartlepool.

DISC Recovery worker Steve Loxley outlined the development of the new recovery focused model of treatment in Hartlepool, which is a partnership between DISC, Intra Health, and Lifeline , and introduced speakers who have used Hartlepool Journey to Recovery Service to talk about their experiences. A music group supported by Lifeline took to the stage first with everyone on their feet and applauding as the singer struggled to complete the song shaking with nerves. “You can do it!! Come on” they shouted out words of encouragement which was really moving and demonstrates the support and motivation this group share. David, now a volunteer and peer mentor at Journey to Recovery then got up to discuss his experiences. “I’ve been an addict for over 26 years. I didn’t ever think I could change, now I know I can” explains David. “Since going to rehab and now back in Hartlepool volunteering with Journey to Recovery I’ve finally built bridges with my family and for the first time in my life I’m happy” adds David. “I’m now trying to use my experience to help and support others” said David to a burst of supportive applause. “Peer mentors like David are such an inspiration to others” comments Recovery worker Steve, “These forums are so important to people in recovery across our region. It enables people like David to come and share their recovery journeys and helps motivate others.”

Alan, a poet in recovery from Hartlepool then took the opportunity to read one of his recovery poems entitled ‘The Drug Addict’ The drug addict lies Alone in his room In his own little world Filled with fear and gloom The money he needs He must get it fast Where will it come from How long will it last He steals for his habit The craving to feed The heroin feels good He buys what he needs He gets his next fix With money he stole He still doesn’t realise The drugs taking its toll He digs in the needle Into the vein in his arm He’s no longer craving It’s worked like a charm The damage is done He’s had his last hit He’s gone into spasm Which leads to a fit They found him next morning Alone in his bed But it was too late The addict was dead Alan started writing poetry over 10 years ago and has written hundreds of poems as well as a published poetry book ‘Behind the Voices’ which features poems about Alan’s mental health issues. “I hope to show through poetry that even with a mental illness and fighting an addiction you can overcome the daily struggles of life and do something constructive if you believe in yourself enough” said Alan.

Lee, a volunteer in recovery was next up to speak discussing how he as a volunteer for Journey to Recovery has set up and runs a mutual aid group in the community, MAGIC. The group accessed its own funding and is ran by people in recovery for people in recovery, truly inspiring stuff!

Paul finished the section from Hartlepool with a song about recovery, ‘The right Track’. Paul also a volunteer and peer mentor plays the acoustic guitar and himself and poet Alan had written the recovery song. “I’m so glad to get my life back” concluded Paul to raucous applause from the whole hall! Hartlepool Journey to Recovery DISC provide community recovery support to problematic drug users. The project supports those people who want to stop, reduce or control and recover from their drug use. The team helps to address psycho-social issues which could impact upon drug-taking and lifestyles. This may include issues around self-esteem confidence, social skills health and housing support.

I did a presentation about Smart Recovery the other day at a treatment centre, I found individuals that have been told  they  have a illness and it is because they have  addiction  they will never recover from it.'' their ''addiction''. I felt quite sad that people are been told that they have to suffer for life and there is no end to their pain.  I came away from the presentation more motivated and grateful that I found Smart Recovery and looking forward to doing more.I have been in recovery for 3 years' I  I find S/R doable and the tools help me with much more than my addictive behaviour. I use the po's and con's to make appoint with my child, who always has a good argument when she dose not what to do something; When I don't what to get out of bed in the morning but know I have to, I use the Smart tools in many aspects of my life. Thank you Smart Recovery for helping me to find the inner strength and empowering me to cope with my life and situations/ people that are in it.

Hi Everyone, This is all new to me. Although it has taken my wife wanting a separation before the penny dropped about my alcoholism- I am excited about embracing a new life. At some point I hope to win her back, but who knows? For now it's a new direction and a new way of thinking. I look for award to reading some positive stuff on this blogg

It is so hard at times when the struggles of day to day life have you tied up in a knot so tight you feel that you can't breath. Your mind is screaming for escape and the demon that is your addiction raises its head and offers to untie you. You want to reach out, you want to breathe again but then your heart shouts out, stop!, look inside me and it begins to fill your mind with the pictures and warmth of all that you hold dear, all your reasons.......you see your children smiling, you see your family laughing with pride in their eyes, you see all the things you dreamed of there with in your reach but above this you see you, strong, beautiful and happy and the knot begins to untie, the air fills your lungs and you breathe again. The moment has passed and you have come through. Addiction never goes away but you learn to face it and fight it because you know if it ever won again, everything you hold in your heart will be gone. listen to your heart, it will keep you safe :)

Am new here :)

This morning I woke up in a police cell and realised that today was the day I needed to admit to myself that I had a problem, a serious problem.  I am an alcoholic.  There, I have said it.  I have been one for a very long time and every now and then it gets right out of hand.  I hurt everyone I love last night, they were out looking for me, thinking I was dead in a ditch somewhere.  Today is the first day, I know there is a long road ahead but I want to suceed and need to survive.  I want a long life, a happy one, on filled with joy and laughter.Lets see how the journey goes.

I'm 43, it took me well, 43 years to get here :). I still don't offend anyone with my drinking, I never have. It's why AA and such the like never worked for me, I really don't have much to say sorry for, I'm lucky I guess. I've always been what they call a top up drinker..... just a person who keeps a level of alcohol in their system to be a bit numb really. They say you can only stop for yourself, only change for yourself. But last year I had a baby, unsuspected, unplanned. She is as bright as a baby could possibly be (against the odds as they say) and our situation is not easy. We are poor and alone, really alone........ no near by family or friends about...... but we're here, 13 months on... my baby was walking when she was 9 months old, she helps me do the laundry, wash the dishes, beats pans with wooden spoons and chatters away whilst I cook...... we bathe, sleep, eat and shop together.... there is no one else. It is truly frustrating so often but for sure, she has gained from the expeirience of one to one...... but because she is so quick and so bright........ I can no longer allow her to go on seeing me with a glass in my hand from late afternoon until she goes to bed.  It doesn't matter about my history or story anymore.... I've been clean before.... been in a clinic before, been and been........ I know how it all works....... So my story is about to start again......... and not for me, not at all, I don't mind about my wine drinking.... I've worked and travelled and lived, have had a diverse life, I really don't mind. but I can not allow this wee bundle or brillience to grow from the start, thinking that a glass of stuff is ok.......... my first daughter was a teenager before I developed an issue.... but we were friends and travelling companions and always spoke about things..... and like I said, I was never offensive or problomatic.... my deal with wine was I don't eat so much so I can afford it.... so even finacially it never affected anyone else.... I managed to study and work and travel.... but that's what top up drinkers do :)..... I digress.... I am taking a big trip up to my parents.... to stop drinking once and for all because I have to and I have no where else to go..... I can't go to hospital as there is no one to look after my daughter..... my parents don't really know her and are too far away........ This country is a disgrace in terms of help and information as to what to do! I have some medication that I used to get when I was abroad in Europe, it is far better than anything you can get here.... my mother is happy to help me, to sleep next to my baby and I.... my baby can have cow's milk now.... but sadly I WILL have to take her off the breast to do this.... so there is a price to pay :(.  But I just don't know what else to do.  I'm not afraid of detoxing, for me it is easy enough, a few days. Been there before............. In the begining it was a few weeks really! My circumstances for returning to wine are my own, they just where, they where just what they were........... but my life is different now, it's taken me a long time to get here. I feel armed with information and choices, afraid too......... afraid my strength will lapse. I have far too much energy for my own good, an over active mind, always have. To use and occupy it is a big task.... the mundane won't keep me sane that's for sure. We all have to know ourselves, accept ourselves..... what ever it is that we use or do to ourselves, there is a reason...... but it doesn't matter so much...... making changes to avoid continuing to use or do is what matters..... for me, personally, I need an extremely busy life............ if not, I start to scream inside, I start to die and then, I need to become numb to survive.... and NO, that's no awfulising..... it's being real. Part of healing is recognising who you are.... I need to paint and to take photographs and write, I need to cook and talk, to laugh, to explore.... it's who I am.... if I can't be that..... I die. My circumstances and MY choices have denied me such so many times, that's how drinking started...... so my challenge is to bring those things back into my life (and I have started)..... but more so.... I isolate myself so much, so often.... can't afford to drive here or go there, can't do this or that because I've had a drink and won't drive.... I am just talking about swimming here, simple things.... going to a play group with my baby, anything at all........... absolutely I need some suport, I need someone to just take my baby out for an hour somewhere, just for a break, but I will never sort that out until I feel ok....... truly, no one has taken my baby for even an hour in 13 months.... does anyone out there know what that is like..... not a moment, not a second.... I can't even remember what it is like to have a bath, to actually lie down in a bath! My flat is big and cold, old and stupid.... another thing I have to do, move out of here..... :) everything I have is sucked into keeping everything ok for my baby..... me, I starve, yup, I'm underweight and worn out..... I don't know what this blog is about to be honest, it's just a blog....... there may be more, who knows...... but I do know, I am about to change my life with an odd determination.

I think being sober is like "the Wizard of Oz",It's like going to Netherland,you never should want to come back(dunno about "Toto",I prefer Black Sabbath !!!)

After genuinely trying and questioning other "step based" approaches that just didn't seem to fit with how I am,, I've found Smart recovery a really refreshing change. Great group and chat,, not half as formalised as other meetings,, and well headed by our facilitator. I'm the only one in there who's problem is (was hopefully) drugs not drink - yet this doesnt seem half as big a factor as I'd thought it would be. It's hard not to see the similarities in addictive thought patterns etc rather than who's on what. Actually its been something of a blessing as I'm staying off alcohol to.. Still early days but the main pointers are the informal yet structured meets, the warm,, sometimes pretty random chat, its basis in taking control of your own life through guidelines and yeah,, maybe I got lucky but a decent set of friendly open people.. an alternative like this is for me muchly needed. Thanks